Fighting my own flesh

Most days, you wouldn't know I am struggling--I am getting really good at covering it well. Some days, my hubby doesn't even know. The thing is, I'm so tired of fighting against my own flesh. I have been struggling and fighting a battle since February against my own mind and body. I know we cannot live without struggle, and that working through the battle is supposed to make us stronger. Every time I think I am making progress, I fall backwards. And it seems to be pervading into all other areas of my life, which is making the fighting effort that much more difficult. I am finding myself so cynnical, negative, disheartened, depressed, and quite frankly at times, ready to give up. I feel so unloved and unlovable. It's funny how pain moves and cripples you at your core. If it was simply physical 'pain', I could deal with that and compartmentalize it. The problem for me is, the physical pain is draining me of all my other capacities, and I am completely zapped of any coping mechanisms. I feel drained in my physical, mental, and spiritual realms. Don't get me wrong--there is a very logical side of me that knows I am loved, that knows God loves me and showers me with grace, that knows I am a capable mother, nurse and member of a family. But Satan prowls in and around all of my weaknesses and just takes tiny jabs here and there, knowing my resources to fight back are limited by my flesh and fatigue. And for some reason, the more I try to claim Christ in the areas of my life I am struggling with, the more difficult the battles become. And they are the same attacks, just increasing in strength each time. I know He is there to be my strength when I am weak, and yet I don't feel any of his power pouring through me when I call His name. I feel wrapped up in the silence I hear in response to my pleading. And then I lose the battle again, because I cannot muster the strength to keep fighting on my own. I wallow in the fact that I lost AGAIN to the same sin that has been a stumbling block for me over the past few months. I repent, wholeheartedly, and swear to be stronger this next time. 'I just need to claim scripture over the situation, and Satan will flee.' But he doesn't; he comes at me stronger. And I fail again. And again. And again. If it weren't for the solid assurance I have that God has not given up on me and is willing to shower His grace upon me each and every time I fail, I am not sure where I would be. Of all the things I know, I know His grace is truly amazing. That is how I know I must keep fighting. But I feel like I am battling in solitude. I haven't felt the comfort of a good friend for months, and with this pregnancy drawing near it's end, I realize I have felt quite alone through it. The struggles have been intimate and personal this time, and have really left me feeling cut off from the group of friends that I know would do anything for me. One area of disheartenment tends to bleed over into other areas, and I begin to experience those same chords of disheartenment and discontent in what feels like all aspects of my life. I feel I have no source of refrehment and renewal for my soul. And it is in desperate need of refreshing.